Trying for another one?

As per normal, P will be messing up the health check area before she leave her cc. Getting her to get out of the cc's door is a major task. While she was playing with the sanitizing gel, I had a chat with one of the infant teacher. She commented though P is in N1, she still looks tiny. I told the teacher that she grew 4cm last year :) Later she asked if i m trying for another one.

Well, it will be perfect to have 2 kids. Kak J once did mention that having 1 kid is just being cruel to the kid. If i have the choice and God is kind to me, i would want to have Baby #2. One of my OBGyn did commented that P is a miracle, consider that my tube is block, having irregular cycle and PCOS. My pregnancy with P was not an easy one, i had morning sickness throughout the whole day till the day P was borned. Bleeding throughout the 1st trimester and a scary phone call from the 1st OBGyn that i visited, the nurse told me that my blood test result showed that P has spinal bifida. I still remember that day, i hid in one of the corner of the lab and cried. After the 3h high resolution scan at Camden medical centerthe very next day, we were relief that she is prefectly normal n is a SHE :). During my pregnancy, i lost a total of 10kg, as i was not able to eat, and my only comfort food was cold tofu, lucky that P is a girl. Towards the end of 2nd trimester, my OBGyn told me thay my BP is going up, blood test didnt show any sign of pre-eclampsia. At 27 wk, i saw blood in my pee, and went to see my OBGyn, he said is just UTI, but my BP is on the up side ard 160/90. Was given a wk off work, but i was busy with my work, having dateline to meet, i went to work as per normal. Going to OBGyn almost every other day to monitor my BP and not the mention the amount of medication i need to take. Almost at 28 wk, i was refered to KKH by OBGyn in case i need to have a premature delivery. On the day of my appointment, my BP rised to 180/90 and is having contraction, the pain that i been having is contraction not P been notti. I was admitted to delivery suite for monitor at 7pm. I was strapped to the auto BP measurement, doppler to measure P's heart beat and a steriod jab to strengthen P's lungs. Then we start seeing nurses, doctors and intern coming in and out, they looked worried. Around 8+, a man in jeans n tee came in, i even told him that he is in the wrong room. Later then i realised he is the head of high risk pregnancy department. He hold my hand and told me calmly that my BP is too high, i m dilating and most importantly is that P was in distress. So an emergency C-section was arranged. I was wheeled to OT just like ER in the movies, lights and noises.... ATM was not allowed in the OT, and i can only go for lower body anesthetic. P was borned at 10 pm, i didnt hear her cry nor a glimpse of her. She was attended by the neonat n nurses the moment she came out. The nurse told me that she was somehow cute, 1.18 kg and is trying to breath on her own. Doc told me that i make the right decision to have P delivered as my placenta has detached from my uterus. ATM waited outside the OT, and had a glimpse of my little figther, she is in the incubator and on ventilator. I didnt get to visit P the next day, as i was still on drip, my aunts, best friends, boss and colleagues drop by on the 1st day. ATM took video of P and showed me in the ward. P looks so tiny and is naked with tubes all over, is scary. ATM told me that the neonat asked if we were to have P go on CPAP or continue on ventilator. As a researcher and a mom, i have to decide what is good for her, and we opt for CPAP which will have minimal side effect for her. 爷爷visited me on the 2nd day, i walked with him to NICU to visit P, as only 2 ppl is allowed in at 1 time, so ATM and 爷爷 went 1st. When he came out, i saw that his eyes were red, the only time i saw his eyes were red is when 奶奶was sick. My turn to go in, i cant help but cry, she is shivering and all the machine around is beeping. I cant touch her as she was under UV for her jaundice treatment. Neonat came and told me issues that P is having, i know nothing and they all sound so bad. I feel stress, nurse told me the only thing i can do for P is express milk for her and she needed that to grow. I tried to express every 3 hr to stimulate the milk production as my body was not ready for milk production. Life in NICU is like a roller coaster, today they will tell u she is doing well but the next day she will have alot of desat, milk nt properly digested. I panic when i get calls from KKH. I arranged with my HR to take my 1 mth ML and leave the remaining 2 mth till P was discharge. I will rush to KKH after work and stayed there till 9pm then go home. During the NDP rally, news tt baby born after Aug will be entitile baby bonus and mommy will get 4 mth ML. We wrote in and appeal to MCYS and we got the whole baby bonus package.

P was on CPAP cycle for 4 times and finally on her 4th try she succeeded and is on room air breathing on her own after 4 weeks in NICU, and thats the 1st time i see her face, so beautiful. Once she hit 1.5 kg, she came out of the  incubator and off to normal open cot. At week 5 she was downgrade to SCN, where she will learn to drink on her own. She spend a total of 4 week in SCN, where she had her hernia surgery, physiotherapy. It is where i learn to bottle feed her, shower her. Bottle feeding her was stressful as sometimes she turn blue when she forgot to breath. After 63 days in KKH, P is finally going home. ATM took 1 week off to take care of P with me. The 1st wk was stress, i will check on her breathing every hour, i spend most of my time just staring at her to make up on lost time. When ATM went back to work, i m all alone with her at home. It can be scary, but we did well. After my ML, i got a nanny to take care of her while i went back to work. Problem with P is that, P has reflux, will vomit her intake all the time, that makes her weight gain very slow even till now.

Thank GOD that my little fighter is safe and healthy now. I cant imagine myself going thru another premature delivery, mentally it is very stressful. Other than ATM, no one really knows how much P has gone thru, the scars on her hands shows that she has very high tolerance towards P and that explain why she didnt cry when she was bitten twice by a kid in cc till bleed. God, if you are listening, can you be kind to my little one at least, let her stay inside till full term.